05 Jan 09 Cry out loud
It was a Sunday afternoon and my mother decided to open up the matrimonial conversion (the last topic that I wanted to discuss with my Parents). This is the type of discussion that I have never been seeing eye-to-eye with my Parents. The worst thing is…you don’t want Parents to be baby-sitting you (or in other words acting like facilitator) in finding your life partner. OK. Not to be a hypocrite, I posted a profile in a popular matrimony site - in a bid to find one myself. I have never been successful all by my own and it has been a learning experience so far. I strongly agree to the point that if you have never failed in your life, you have never lived it!
It is not like the probability of getting slapped on the face like the experiences arising out of an interaction with a random girl at a bar. We are talking about profiles of individuals that hold a day job and are in a look out for life-partners. So, it is like…i am interested only in serious relationship (of course with a sense of lightheartedness) but not the flirting type.
I asked my Parents a very simple question. How true are you to yourselves? I mean, do you really express what you think inside? I have never seen you guys talking straight from heart. The element of emotion is missing when it is required except found in surplus in the emotional mind game of coaxing their son on the topic of marriage. I have never seen a honest feedback or opinion from my father. I find him very systematic and boring. What about you mom? I have never seen you firmly say -no- to anything. Do you guys really know when to say -no-? All you claim is that you have brought me up liberally.
Excuse me. What do you mean when you say “we are liberal”? I see and hear this statement very often. Even in some matrimonial profiles. The conversation ends when somebody says they are conservative. On the other hand, Liberal can have several interpretations. How liberal is your liberalness? My parents didn’t understand what I was trying to convey to them.
I asked them for once have they ever felt that they should be doing what they really wanted to do. I cannot blame them alone. For one, they are not the gutsy type that can take all comers. Two, they have been brought up in the traditional way. For people that have been numbed by thinking within the system - cannot fathom the fact of thinking against tradition or norms. That’s right, it is good for them and the society that they live in. But then, I would expect a grain of salt in their actions. For people that hold supposedly respected position (courtesy of their profession) in the society (that is largely known to discriminate based on labour), I would expect a sense of reasoning. Oh! Wait a minute. Isn’t reasoning affected over here? (you analyze that)
If that is the issue with my parents at home. What about others? As a matter of fact, I haven’t heard about “Community Certificate” until I completed my high school. I heard that it is required in order to establish my identity (read: to connive) in the caste based reservation system. There you go…that is when I first sold my bit of self esteem. Then, when it got to marriage, I see a growing number of Parents that are interested in a horoscope match. Ok. I can understand that it is your personal belief. But in scientific sense, how the hell would a horoscope match predict a relationship match? If that is the case, then a horoscope match should be applicable to same sex as well or before forging a business relationship? Right?
Ridiculous! I find it as a way to discriminate people and more importantly give blatant replies that are repulsive to “a person of reason”. If people are so dumb and numb to arrange or proceed with marital talk based on a horoscope match I very well doubt their ability to lead a life of reason. Great! That is what our Country needs - more idiots and people that never apply their reasoning ability.
With all this ongoing discrimination and with online matrimonial sites silently conniving to such practices, I think how progressive are we? My parents cannot even talk with dignity with their confidence held high - whenever someone questions what their son (i.e. me) is doing? I asked them how hard it is to tell someone with a sense of confidence that their son is an independent software consultant (i prefer it as IT contractor)? It is such a sin to say it than sounding he is a salaried employee of XYZ MNC? Will that make their horoscope loving, caste leaning upper middle class brethren happy?
How long should a person continue to take insult for no fault of his in leading a life that he prefers to lead? Should my parents have some sort of self dignity and be supportive of their child? This applies to other parents that try to manipulate the individuality of a kid to conform to what their immediate society feels as opposed to what their child feels from inside. Good and Bad is very relative that should be felt rather than being inculcated. Haven’t any of you felt that your Parents should have been a bit more protective supportive at times when you need their help the most?!
In spite of this rant, I know there are several other individuals like me. The point is, why complicate a beautiful relationship between two individuals in the name of arranged marriage? I don’t see the principal foundation called *Natural Love*. The proposal comes after clearing the superstitious practice of horoscope match, a check on financial and social security etc. I am left to wonder why my fellow Countrymen apply so many premarital checks in the name of tradition? If ever the mankind was blessed with the ability to reproduce and rise their Offspring, why the hell in the animal kingdom does he (probably the only species) looks in to so many so-called moral practices?
The whole arranged marriage concept clearly reflects Casteism in India and their traditional insecurity in not venturing outside their Communities. How can you be so sure that your daughter’s or son’s life is guaranteed after all the preliminary checks? This is not some job interview! It is a shame that one has to undergo such a mental trauma in the name of fulfilling his duties as an obedient son to his Parents. I simply don’t get it!
True love can neither be fabricated nor licensed in the form of a *marriage certificate*. Period.
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