I’ve been thinking about this for quite sometime now. Whenever, I return after a trip, it completely unsettles my rhythm back at home. My tolerance threshold is very fragile and especially when it gets to my Parents it almost nill. I think it is quite an experience living together with Parents in late 20s and early 30s. Especially, if one is still single.
I guess, the fact of not being in active relationship is completely taking its toll and I’m venting my frustration at my Parents. Added to it is the intersecting thought on fledgling Democracy, revulsion on Caste-ism, and Idealism. You can call the last one idealism if you think that I’m a stupid who tries to live a straight forward life without compromises in life (such as in tolerant with folks that repeatedly lie in a business transaction, and Staff in Government Institution that demand bribe to do their assigned work).
I am growing completely restless on the massacre of Democracy in Madurai at the cost of lack of awareness of locals. Should I blame the DMK (ruling party) or the Administrative folks out here in Madurai or the people themselves? It is a paradox. If I start pointing out fingers, it eventally points at me. I don’t know why I still insist on living in Madurai when a person of my age and self-motivation level can do a better job and lead a better life in progressive Democracies. May be I am angry with myself and angry with some of my decisions in haste. But I don’t think I have regretted my current position as Freelance Developer. It has been just fantastic and also helps finance my other interests. But when collateral thoughts begin to cloud my skies, I lose visibility!
I think, If I were like a sensible person, I would have found a girl by now (regardless of her profession) and would have had kids. It makes sense to me to live in a setup where I am confident that my tax money is being utilized properly in the form of good public resources (Schools, Libraries and Medical Care). On that thought, I think, I miss Life in America. But it is not that simple. Life in America is not a bed of roses for a first generation immigrant. From Asian context, one has to use reason more than emotion (or literally kill emotion) to get that little extra comfy life that was denied in his/her developing nation.
For many reasons within mine, it keeps hitting me that as Asians we all find reasons to move away from {so-called} Homeland to developed economies with the sole aim of personal economic improvement. When I travel, I notice people from developed economies contribute their time (as in volunteer) in underdeveloped economies. The second generation Asians in developed economies are growing up asking the question of who they really are? (as identity crisis catches up). I even think, that as Asians, are we really a doomed species just trying to keep our heads held high (in the West) in the name of representatives of respective puppet Democracies?
One of my relatives put forth a good question. If you don’t fight for your fundamental rights in your own country, how will you be expected to fight for it in an alien land? I liked her point. Largely, I have seen Asians as Domesticated Species (wherever they are - Gulf, Malaysia, Singapore, USA, UK) that don’t stand up and fight discrimination (ironically less in alien land than in their own homeland) or violation of human rights. This has largely been exploited to the vested interest of Companies that hire manpower and utilize their skills for profit (Gulf based Companies and companies that exploit lax H-1B visas in US). Ironically again, the exploiters are people of Asian origin milking the system and holding the individual involved to ransom. Thus playing on their insecurity. Such a scenario even with the ones that move out of homeland in search of opportunity.
But then, at what cost? Losing the right to live in one’s own Homeland? Failing to stand up and ask question when a public servant demands a bribe to do his/her assigned task? Evading responsibility as a Citizen? Overlooking the massacre of Democracy at the hands of one’s own clan? So, what it is worth for?
I get terrible low altitude sickness - especially when I get home (irony amplified).