These days, I get peeved quite frequently. I usually vent my frustration in one form or the other. Point is…it is certainly not healthy and makes people around me uncomfortable.
I will be entering 30s by the end of the third quarter of this Calendar year (Gregorian). In the past 1 year or so, I have tried to insulate myself from the mad Tier-1 cities’ traffic and a programmed metro life. After living in quite a handful of cities, I personally don’t like the quality of life in the metros though I am aware of the fact that they attract the cream (can be subjective).
I am certainly lost when it gets to where am I going to settle down. I mean, I feel the urge to start a family. To put it more bluntly, I really really enjoy playing with kids although I’m not sure if I’m ready for the emotional demands of marriage. In the past 3 years, I’ve fairly tried to get over events in my own way. Undoubtedly, there were periods of disillusionment and numbness. These days, I sense a gaping emptiness.
In fact, I’m so numbed by reason that I find it hard to cry. I think, as a human, one should have a healthy cry or laughter. I realize that I’m at an uncomfortable intersection of alternate and mainstream lifestyles. I am starting to hate my clinical life with my Parents, relatives and neighbours. Either I should take a full fledged alternate lifestyle path or silently merge in to the mainstream demand.
Time that I move away from my Parents’ home and start a life on my own. I’ve tried it before and have failed. But then from whom am I running from and why should I? Should I run away from my dear home town like the thousands that graduate out of high school and college? I don’t see a convincing reason. Forget about convincing others. I should first convince myself.
More importantly, I have a find my partner. It’s been quite a painful experience posting a profile on standard matrimony sites. Probably, I realize that I’m past the *saleable* age (like hotcakes) as determined by the Caste Hindus or fail to meet their protocol of credible Professional. It is _not_ my duty to go around convincing people that I live a life of choice rather than Hobson’s choice. I have to answer a dozen questions about my profession (as a freelance developer/consultant). May be, had I worked in a reputed MNC in a major city, I think the Caste Hindus would have had no further questions.
If it is a life of choice, then why this frustration? The only reason that I can think about is the natural urge to have a relationship. Or may be, I should call Brahma and request an immaculate contraception that would insulate me from all the mortal urges (did you ask me - why not Vishnu? I suppose, he is overworked with backlog of requests from Andhragaarus).
But I guess, Life is too beautiful to be spent worrying. May be things will fall in place at a later stage. Until then, I can vent my frustration in a blog post.
Live Life!